The Wise Ass

After his brothers are murdered, a New York mob lawyer testifies against his associates and is forced to enter WITSEC (the Witness Protection Program). He and his wife are relocated to a rural area outside a small town in Colorado where he is compelled to adapt to his new life under the constant threat of mafia reprisal. Reflexively resisting his immersion into all things country, this life long city boy meets and adopts a loquacious mule and befriends his closest neighbors, who have even greater secrets to conceal. A renegade US Marshall, a lesbian couple that includes a powerful psychic-medium-witch and an ex-army ranger complete his new circle of friends. When the mob associates are released due to the lawyer's intentionally prejudicial testimony at trial, they come gunning for him before the retrial can occur. When Wise Guys meet the Wise Ass and friends all hell breaks loose.

I mentioned earlier that my family were all tradesmen. That is, except my sister, who also went to college, got her doctorate in Education, crossed the pond, and went on to run the most exclusive private school in London. She then came out of the closet, married the love of her life, and pretty much disappeared from her Irish-Catholic family’s Bible. Rumor has it that during my mother’s one visit to London she threw Holy water, procured from Lourdes, on my sister as she slept, but since no miraculous conversion occurred, that was the last time they ever spoke. I love that girl. She had the biggest balls in my family. Unfortunately for me, my sister’s post-baptismal severance was universal and complete, and she shunned contact with everyone in our family from that point on.